I don't like caves. They scare me. It's not the dark gaping hole in the earth. It's not the tight spaces. The darkness and tight spaces add to the root, but they are not the cause of my fear.
No, far more than those things is the unknown factor. I don't know what's in the cave. I don't know what's around the corner. I don't know what's hiding in the shadows. I don't know if I'm going to fall into a hole or if I'm going to be eaten by a bear. I just don't know.
I also don't like waiting. Waiting scares me. For similar reasons I think.
It's not waiting in and of itself that is scary. What gets the fear pumping through my system is waiting for what I don't know. It's waiting for things I want, but don't know if they'll come true. Going into a cave when I know what's inside is totally fine. And I can wait forever for something without fear if I know it's going to happen. But if I don't know...I'm scared.
Because what if I wait for something for a long time and it doesn't come true? What if I'm waiting for the wrong reasons? What if I should give up waiting on some things even though I want them?
Aggravatingly for me, the language of waiting is stitched into the very fabric of scripture. 'Until'. 'When'. 'How long'. The phrase 'wait on the Lord' or some form of it are repeated over and over. We're always waiting for something; whether a dream or a plan or a person or healing. Waiting can leave us wondering, wandering around a cave of how longs and what ifs. The dark of the unknown is scary.
And in the unknown we need to remember what we do know. Regardless of how long we're waiting and whether what we're waiting for comes to be or not, God is good and He has a good plan.
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-3
Waiting is often a trial. James calls us to have faith, to trust God, and to be patient. But what does it mean that letting patience do its work will make us complete? We might find the answer in Philippians.
"...for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me." Philippian 4: 11b-13
I wonder if James' 'complete' means 'content'. Not content with a 'it is what it is' sort of attitude. But content with hopeful anticipation that God is at work and has good things in store. Content knowing that Christ strengthens us for all things He calls us to do. If that is waiting, He will provide what we need to wait and let patience do its perfect work. He will gently lead us into the cave. We might not see exactly where He's taking us or how long it's going to take. But we know He is with us every step of the way.
Paul was someone who had to wait probably a lot more than I ever will. He was thrown in jail for extended periods of time. He had longings to visit churches He had planted. He was eager. But He was patient and sensitive to God's timing.
I don't like caves. But the way to handle my fear isn't by turning my back on the entrance. It is to take a deep breath, say a prayer, and duck inside, trusting all I'll need to know will be revealed as I patiently explore the cave.